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Sunday, October 02, 2005
Blonde View of Football
Just in time for football season... Football finally makes sense!
A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied," especially the cute guys with all the big muscles; but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
Helloooo? It's only 25 cents!"
___
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' " "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. one says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive...!"
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet. "Let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank.
Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A f sh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. one turns to the other and says, "dam".
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive."
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
----
Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat.... she said,"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
*****************
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
*******************
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket
***********************
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
***********************
AND NOW.FOR.THE. #1 SMART ASS ANSWER.
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand
and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled
knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Smart teacher!!!
Posted at 12:33 pm by starsi
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In the news: Bombs explode in Bali, Indonesia.
Pinoy fiesta in Bankstown.
Posted at 08:13 am by starsi
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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Puerto Rican independence figure murdered
Bondi Beach
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The FBI just murdered the Puerto Rican independence figure Filiberto Ojeda Rios. They stormed his house, shot him and left him to bleed, as FBI agents refused to allow medical teams inside the militarized perimeter. Ojeda Rios, 72, was the leader of the Macheteros, who advocated the independence of Puerto Rico from the USA. His murder triggered demonstrations throughout the island. Even figures who are satisfied with Puerto Rico's colonial status have condemned the FBI action. What the FBI did is a warning to all political dissenters of the methods that will be used by the US government in the context of more repressive conditions.
Posted at 06:59 am by starsi
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Monday, September 26, 2005
That is it. State and Territory governments (under Labour) have approved with the Federal government tough anti-terror laws - with the caveat of a ten-year timeline and some oversight to monitor abuse. The world has gone mad; state powers and non-state terrorists increasingly turn the world into a whirlpool of violence and fear that rationalize the actions of the other. Yet this is not the time of unvoiced fears, now is not the day to toe the line, now is the time to voice out the irrationality of what's happening, now is to throw the bucket of cold water on the heads of the people who stir up more fear and repression of civil liberties, as well as address the solutions and the deeper causes of what's presented as the most urgent problem of the world. A lesson here is that it has to grow from the grassroots. It's not a choice between fire and war, between the desperate bombs of non-state terrorists and the war machine of big powers; it's a matter of people winning their rights. Or should be, in a world trying to gain a semblance of peace and justice. There has to come a time when people shout out: Enough! We have no need of both your terrorisms. We want the world back! We want our world back! And we want it now!
Posted at 06:46 pm by starsi
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Sunday, September 25, 2005
While it may yet be a "trial balloon" being set up by the Arroyo Administration to gauge public opinion, the fact that a Philippine government department, headed by Justice Secretary Raul Gonzales, has been studying a government takeover of key private industries - including oil and power firms and air and shipping lines - is itself an indictment of failed neoliberal programs that have been adopted by the country. People must glean if this is indeed a serious option for the Arroyo government, as economic crisis unfolds with the political crisis.
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Truckers have blockaded a NSW highway, in protest against increasing oil prices.
Posted at 04:32 am by starsi
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Saturday, September 24, 2005
Victoria Park (besides Sydney U.)
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There is a remarkable obfuscation of language going on in the service of state violence. First there was collateral damage, a term that would ordinarily mean the civilian people we blow up in our war against the latest enemy fad. Then there's unlawful combatant, meaning anyone whose human rights you can take away. In the Philippines, in the laughable attempt by security officials to sound sophisticated, they've come up with calibrated preemptive response, which is just another word for repression. Specifically, the right to mobilize public opinion against government wrongdoings. In a truly democratic country, voicing one's opinion is a basic right. But now, in the world of preemptive actions, that practice of the vocal chords can invite enforced silence. Welcome to the twilight zone.
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Sydney Swans soar, as they break a 72-year-old hiatus and finally win football championship.
Posted at 02:48 am by starsi
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Wednesday, September 21, 2005
oil price spiral not medicine
In the news: The Howard government has reportedly bowed to public pressure regarding spiralling oil prices.
The Liberals are proposing to scrap some Medicare benefits, allegedly because of abuses by some doctors. These Liberals are real ideologues of private interests, masked as efficiency.
Posted at 07:02 pm by starsi
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As the early morning air wafted through its aroma, a nano-sized hurricane stormed through memories of a minute delight. I suddenly had a craving for pan-de-sal. That small air-filled product of incubated heat and the sweat of bakeries in the Philippines. The concoction of flour and pockets of empty space is the daily bread of many Filipino households, who have to send a sleepy member to line up at the local bakery just before dawn. Buying at the ungodly hour of around 4 am rewarded the early bird with divine gusto. Even the relatively early 8 a.m could mean unavailability of those baked goodies wrapped in brown paper holsters. The pan-de-sal, air-headed as it is, filled the stomach and fed the soul. It's usually smothered with peanut butter or the thin rectangular plain butter, whose melting triggered a full-bodied sensuality, energizing the whole person and preparing him or her for the struggles of the day. My mouth watered, as this nano-craving for what I substituted with whole-grain bread and nutella - or the occasional honey crispix in a bowl of milk - suddenly flashed to bring me back to my country, my memory.
Posted at 01:58 am by starsi
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Warning: New hurricane Rita may hit the same areas hit by Katrina.
Posted at 09:26 pm by starsi
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Inside Sydney U. Museum - Roman Collection
$$$
The Latham Diaries have been the talk of the town lately. Former Labour Leader Mark Latham released a grenade, writing poison letters about Labour Party leaders on how they couldn't be trusted. Andrew Denton describes it as sad that the 44-year old Latham ends his career with no hope. Latham sees it as just like one of the fates of social movements that didn't achieve their goals.
Indeed, while Labour retains all states, it cannot win national government in the foreseeable future. Just watching them being pummeled in parliament seems to reinforce that. This, alongside with changes in the economic scene and what sometimes looks like a collaborationist Labour leadership, it does not fare well for that party. Latham bluntly points out that power has shifted from the grassroots to what he calls the machine men, and Labour has just focused on winning elections and moved away from issues of social fairness, social justice and social relations.
Latham, with this book, certainly added to the crippling of the Labour party. Another thing he laments is the culture of individualism and materialism being adopted from Americans, which he says is quite different from how things were done in the past. He calls for scrapping of the US alliance and more independent assertion and integration in the Asian region.
Posted at 01:27 am by starsi
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